He stopped at the door to the room, his gaze raising from the patterns they had been tracing on the dull parquet floor. He trembled in his suit, a smart black suit, for this would be the first time he had worn this, and the last. It choked him and made him gasp for air. He gulped to clear his head, and entered the room, noting absentmindedly that it was silent; where had all the people gone?

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"I think they should be alone right now," Mitsui insisted despite Kogure's doubtfulness and worry. "Believe me, they need this," and saying so he pushed the other boy down from where he had taken the first few steps of the stairs.

The crowd was milling below. Fresh white and red flowers and potpourri scented the hallways, and the doors had been taken off to facilitate the movement of the visitors. The apartment was new; one could smell the fresh lime green paint which coated the walls, and the lemon yellow matching furniture which contrasted shockingly to the black wooden floor. Murmurs and conversations wafted through these doorways and the hall.

The first doorway led to the kitchen, which was remarkably in order. Ayako and Ryota, and more often Mitsui and Kogure, had dropped by in the past month to make sure everything was working out fine. From behind the wooden built-in cupboard-cabinet, the twist in the wall led to another door, the storeroom. One could easily guess the items housed in this part of the new house. Basketballs of blue, orange, green and every other imaginable color, autographed, deflated lined the floor and shelves. The laughter echoed in this room especially. Familiar hands had grasped these balls, had scored repeatedly into hoops with these balls, and they had seen the sun and the rain, the sweat and the tears.

@@@

Moving across the room, he stared down wistfully at the beloved face of the redhead. Eyes of honey and chocolate and warmed with glints of sunshine, framed by strong brows and accentuated by a straight long nose. Red lips which curved in a glimmer of the beginning of a smile.

@@@

"Are you sure Rukawa is all right?" Ayako asked in consternation, her hands on her hips. "Someone should check to see if he has fainted up there."

"I wonder how Sakuragi would have handled him," Yohei mused. And that sparked laughter off around the room as each of them conjured up images in their own minds. As Yohei looked around that particular room, he saw the framed photographs, and couldn't help but smile when his eye caught a particular one. There was that time, he remembered, at the class barbecue. Sakuragi had not wanted to go because he had known that Rukawa did not like crowds. The latter had insisted on their presence at the celebratory graduating chalet, and had had, as far as anyone could tell, a wonderful time together. The photo showed a beaming Sakuragi, dressed in bright yellow beach shorts, whose arms were wound about the relaxed shoulders of Rukawa Kaede who leaned into the taller boy's embrace, formerly cold and expressionless, here smiling slightly and in whose sapphire blue eyes one could see a well of emotion. Love. If anything, they had certainly been good for each other in the time they had been in a relationship. But that was in the past. Now Rukawa would have to solve his problems himself.

In the corner, Haruko came dangerously close to sobbing.

Not here, she whispered fiercely to herself. He wouldn't have liked that.

@@@

He slipped the slim silver chain off his neck. The blue pendant glittered in the fluorescent light. Blue, he dimly remembered his redhead lover insisting, They match your eyes. He turned the pendant over and read the inscription silently.

Aishiteru Kaede.

Aishiteru Hana, my sweet, hotheaded love.

He reached out and traced a caress along the cheek of his lover. I will miss you so, so much, do'aho. More than you ever guessed, more than I ever told you.

He spun the pendant about in his hands as thoughts and memories flooded his mind. The redhead's screaming whenever he had bested him in basketball, his incessantly irritating but amusing habits to copy during a test whenever they were assigned to sit together. That last third year before they graduated, all the silly things he had done in the cinema, like throwing popcorn seeds at the back of them, the increasingly frequent meetings in the parks, by the beaches, in the malls, on the basketball court where they had played together, and loved together…

@@@

Downstairs, laughter had turned to tears, and tears had turned to sobs.

@@@

Rukawa gently kissed the pendant, then slipped it about his neck and under his shirt where it hung close to his heart. He touched the photo of his love one more time, and then rose and looked at the pot of ashes resting on the low side table.

This is all I have left of you, Hana. I wish there could be so much more. My heart is so numb in its grief I feel like it has been ripped apart. There is nothing left now, Hana. You took all my tears and inner pain and you gave me so much happiness, even in this moment I cannot bear to cry if only for your memory. You hated it when I cried. I remember you would take me in your arms, and that was all I needed to make everything right with the world again. I remember how competitive you were at first, always wanting to be better than me, up to the very moment where I finally held you and kissed you, and promised to love you. I miss the feel of your soft hair. Your eyes, too, Hana…did you know? Whenever you looked at me, I melted inside. I love you so much, Hana.

His fingers reached up and rubbed the pendant cautiously, feeling its weight, remembering the touch of the one that had helped him put it on, recalling the laughter and the events which had brought him, no, them, so far. This was the perfect gift, Hana. In this I hold all of your love, your hopes, your dreams, your songs, your laughter and your smiles, your tears and the feel of your arms. But if I had known that the night you had put it around my neck you would have left me in that accident, I would have traded all I owned in the world just to have you here by me again.

The End