Title: Time will tell
Author: F5C
Rating: PG for now
Posted: Fanfiction.net (not yet there… my account is screwed up… that or my comp,… but as soon as it is possible it will be posted there too)
E-mail: chatterbox_shil@yahoo.com

Part 12

My first really serious chap of this fic… Lets see I think the first few chaps of this fic were violently Last chap was hard core lime And now total seriousness Talk about a phase change… but I think it totally fits with the mood of the fic. So read on…

~*~

(The next day…)

Practice went on as usual… taunts were hurled between the two main players in the team… minor squabbles took place… the maniacal idiotic laugh resounded as per usual off the gym's walls… and not once did anybody doubt Sakuragi's behavior. All was well… or so they thought.

"Come on… let's go out for dinner… my treat"

On hearing the magical word 'treat' being uttered the Sakuragi gundam hovered around Max and Sam suggesting a venue.

Finally they settled on going to a ramen noodle shop as Sam knew that it was her Hana's favorite food. The gundam and Max had left a few minutes ago, after devouring the food, saying that they had a date with the pachinko shop. Yohei declined the offer, finally noticing that his best friend was not his usual self.

"Oi! Sakuragi… are you okay?"

"Huh? Of course the Tensai is fine! Nyahaha! Why did you ask?"

"Well considering that we've been here for half an hour already but you are only now finishing your first bowl of ramen… something is definitely wrong!"

"Are you saying that Tensai is a pig?"

"He isn't saying… he is just stating a well known fact!" added Sam mischievously.

"Nani! Tensai is not a pig!"

"Really… but I think you would make an adorable pig" pinching Sakuragi's cheek.

"Nani?! Baka Yaro! If you were a guy you be lying on the floor with a steaming bump on your head!"

"Ma… ma Hana-kun… I was just joking" Sam said soothingly trying to calm down the red head that was now as red as his hair.

"Hmph! How dare you insult the Tensai!" muttered Sakuragi.

"What Tensai?"

*POW*

"That feels better!" he said happily whilst Sam stared at Yohei who now had a large steaming bump in the middle of his head.

After a few minutes more of bickering… Sakuragi finally calmed down and fell into a silent lapse of deep thought.

Both Yohei and Sam realized that their friend was even more troubled then they had first thought. But just as they were about to broach the topic, he spoke up

"Hey what do you guys think of gays?" he asked somewhat distractedly.

Sakuragi looked up too find his two close friends staring at him as though he was some sort of alien.

"OHMIGOD! Hana-kun! Are you seriously gay?"

"Yeah Sakuragi… you can tell me… I don't mind them at all… how could I if my best friend is gay?"

"Nani?! I am not gay! I was just asking what y'all thought about them!"

"Sakuragi don't worry… even if you are gay I'll still be your best friend… but I have to tell you now that I am definitely straight"

"Nani?! I am not gay… and I am not interested in you!" stated Sakuragi who was once again as red as his hair.

"It's okay Hana-kun… you're not the first gay guy I've met… in fact quite a few of my friends there are gay! I don't mind… just like Yohei said"

"But I am seriously not gay!" he finally yelled earning himself quite a few looks from the people sitting near them. Whilst the older people stared at him in shame, the youngsters looked at him indifferently… whilst a few girls stared at him approvingly and a few more guys looked at him enticingly.

He felt the stares cut right through him and tear away at him bit by bit… the shame that was reflected in the eyes of the older citizens hit him with the force of a sledgehammer ramming down on his head. //So this is how it feels to be gay… to be different from everyone else… to be shunned by society. This would be how it feels when your parents finally find out that you are gay… alone… with no hope of redemption other then to give up on who you really are and to live the rest of your life in denial. To be looked at differently just because you love one of the same sex// without really paying attention to what he was doing… he got up and before leaving his two friends alone he muttered softly but icily "I am not gay… I know two people who are… but I am not… and I was just asking because I felt a bit awkward when I was with them. I thought that y'all could help me… but obviously teasing me seemed to appeal to you more. Thanks for the food… oh, and thanks a whole lot for the help" and with that he turned his back on two of the most important people in his life.

Sam and Yohei watched his retreating figure in silence. The hurt and shock visibly showing itself on their faces whilst their heart broke bit by bit realizing that they had actually somewhat abandoned their friend in his time of need. This was the first time they heard him speak with that sort of tone. Soft but icy. Even when compared to Rukawa's tone… Rukawa's seemed to ooze more warmth. The eerie tone etched itself deep into their hearts and no matter how much they wanted to go after him and apologize… they were still numb. Numb from the recognition of their stupidity… they hadn't realized that there was something wrong with him… and finally when he told them they laughed at him… numb from their 'ruthlessness' and finally numb from pain… the deep pain that was tearing at them from 'that' tone that he had used on them. So instead of chasing after him, they sat there staring at his retreating figure as it disappeared into the throng of people wandering the streets.

//Does physical appearance really matter that much? I am not gay… I am sure about it... but then why am I still so bothered by what happened in the shop? Those stares… shame… repugnance… superiority… Difference. Why am I bothered? Could it be pity? Is that why I am so bothered… cause I pity them as that is what they have to face for having to be with the person they love. Why are they shunned by society? I mean there is no written rule stating that man must fall in love with woman… it is just an assumption people made since the start of time… one that I guess was based as this is the only way that the continuation of the species will be ensured… but still… is it true? Is man only suppose to love women? Isn't true love based on one's character and not appearances? Why is it that when it comes to obese people society states that it is the character that matters and not the looks… so doesn't that also applies when you love one of the same gender? How can society be so blind? Are they really a herd of sheep that follow a bunch of unwritten rules imposed decades ago? Even after testing the frontiers of science and technology why are they still confined to these invisible borders that exist for love? Why are they so afraid to experiment with these borders… you live life only once and shouldn't you live it to the max? How are you suppose to live life to its fullest if you are bound in these invisible confines? How can true love conquer all if they have to stay within these confines?// Hanamichi walked around aimlessly, deep in thought. Finally when he came back to reality he realized that he was at the beach, near the fishing docks. He glanced at the breath taking view in front of him and finally his eyes landed on a spiky haired player. Allowing his body to proceed in 'auto drive' he unconsciously approached him.

"Hi!"

Sendoh turned around only to be greeted with the sight of a very disturbed looking Sakuragi. //Hmm… this is a first… wonder what's wrong//

"Hey… so wassup?"

"Nothing much"

"What is it like to be gay?"

Sendoh choked on hearing the blunt question and dropped his fishing rod into the water accidentally //Chikuso! That was my favorite rod *A/N: no pun intended*// He turned around and eyed the red head scrutinizing him and his questions worth. The usual ferocious blush didn't grace his cheeks instead he wore a distant look and his eyes were tinged with a little anger, irritation and confusion as well.

"Why are you planning to become one anytime soon?"

Sendoh's attempt at humor was short lived as a second later he was lying on the dock with a steaming bump on his head and for once his anti gravity hairstyle had given way as it now was parted awkwardly. Sendoh recovered from the blow quickly only to see the red head storm away. //Wrong answer I guess! Wonder what's the matter… he actually seems serious… the first time I've seen him serious off the court for that matter… it really must be something serious// "Matte! Sakuragi! Matte! Gomen… I didn't mean it like that" he shouted whilst trying to catch up with the red head.

"Hn…"

"No seriously… I am sorry… that was a stupid thing to say… I am sorry!"

"How does it feel knowing that whenever you talk about being gay openly you are definitely going to be shunned? I mean just look at the way I reacted… I was so repulsed by the idea even though I say to myself that I don't mind it… the fact that people may think that I am gay is so scary that I automatically am repulsed by it… so am I as bad as society? To hate you just because you are gay and love one of the same gender"

Sendoh stared at the boy in front. He was speechless… never did he think that what he had seen the night before would affect him so. This guy was the loud, naïve red head. The guy was a happy go lucky baka. He didn't bother about anybody else's opinions and yet here he stood in front of him staring distantly at the ocean while waiting for the answer to his question. //Did he really change all that much?//

"Sakuragi… let's go to my place… I think this calls for a serious talk"

"Why your place" eyeing Sendoh warily

"Don't worry… I am not going to jump you… I may be known as a hentai… but I do have my morals. *turns to stare at the ocean* My hair"

"Huh?"

"Your head butt damaged my do *pointing at his hair* and there is no way that the ace player of Ryonan is going to walk in public with this. I do have my image to keep up and also a very good fashion sense to go with it and this hair do is a definite no no" he turned towards Sakuragi whose long hair was now dancing gently bout his face due to the light sea breeze and he now had a small heartfelt grin tugging at the corner of his lips //Kawai!//

Sendoh's apartment…

"You live by yourself?"

"Yeah… my parent's are in Tokyo… they moved there last year but I didn't want to switch schools so I stayed put" he answered as he made his way to his room.

"Sakuragi… why are you suddenly so bothered by homosexuality? I mean if it is about Kaede and me and last night… forget about it… it was my fault… I should have looked around before jumping him.

"Kaede… I never would have thought I'd ever hear you call him that… I mean he's the Kitsune… Kaede sounds to gentle for him"

"You shouldn't judge a person so quickly… you of all people should no that"

"So I guess I am just like society… I mean a sheep that is… one who willingly gives into first impressions and the unwritten rules without bothering to find the truth."

"When it comes to Kaede the truth finding part is difficult… hell, I still hardly know much about him. And as for you being like society I disagree… I mean you are too naïve to be like society although I am seeing a different side of you today. The Sakuragi I know doesn't give a shit about what others think and usually you make your own decisions and stick by them" Sendoh said whilst coming out of his room bare-chested with a towel on his head which he was using to dry his now wet hair.

Sakuragi felt the blood rush to his cheeks as he appreciatingly examined Sendoh's bare upper half. It was all so taut and compact. //Why am I blushing… I mean he is a guy… and I've seen many naked guys before so why is it that I am reacting like this to him?//

He looked up as Sendoh removed the towel that was covering his face.

"Kaede"

The two boys stared at each other for a moment and electricity filled the room for that span of time. With his damp hair abiding the rules of gravity Sendoh's hair fell down framing his face... making him look like Rukawa only with slightly longer hair.

"Kaede"

"Do I really look like him" Sendoh frowning at the red head's reaction.

"Yeah…" he answered somewhat mystified with the picture of the guy in front of him.

"You still haven't answered my question?"

"Huh?" he asked snapping out of his trance

"Why are you suddenly so bothered? If it is about last night I told you to forget it"

"No… last night was like an eye opener… I mean… I don't know anymore. Last night after I saw y'all together something started nagging me. At first it was this little thing and as I thought about it more it became bigger and bigger… and now it is all I seem to think about"

"Why?"

"I don't know… I was so sure last night that I am not bothered by gays… it is just another form of love but that nagging feeling didn't leave me. And then just now when I was having dinner with Sam and Yohei I asked them what they thought about gays. They laughed at me and called me gay… saying that they didn't mind at all. I finally got really pissed off and shouted out loud that I am not gay… and then people started looking at me. They all looked at me differently… I felt so… alone. They way the older people looked at me really got to me. *Turns and looks Sendoh straight in the eyes* Is that how it will be when your parents find out? I mean will they also stare at you like that… with that same amount of shame and repugnance? I mean… when they looked at me like that… I felt myself tear and crumble under the intensity of those emotions. How can you still be gay knowing that that's the way you are going to be treated?"

Sendoh stared at the guy in front of him, never breaking the eye contact that they had made. //This is definitely a different side of Sakuragi… I mean he seems so lost yet deep, confused yet ashamed of himself. Why is this bothering him so much?//

"I don't know… all I know is that for two years I tried ignoring it and finally I crumbled under it all *Sakuragi eyes him with open curiousity* I never was very fond of girls… and finally I realized that I had a crush on this guy. At first I didn't give a shit about what society would think… at first I avoided him because I was afraid of rejection but as time passed I realized that society didn't accept my sort of love and I continued ignoring him under the pretense of rejection but the truth was I was afraid of society. Finally, I practically lost it… I mean I felt alone… and no matter how many friends I had I still felt alone and bit by bit I felt myself lose my spirit. Kosh-kun realized that I was as he put it 'dying on the inside' and finally I told him everything. He was stunned by the realization and he left immediately… as I watched him leave I felt myself die and wither. I was completely alone… I mean my best friend had left me… he was my best friend and he hadn't accepted me for who I was. However I was wrong… it seemed that he left cause he didn't want to hurt me with any unconscious comments he may have made as he was still in shock. We still are best friends and he is still always there for me… standing by me. The point is that my sexuality doesn't affect me as long as those close to me accept me for who I am… and if they are your true friends they will. Some may run from you and you will lose their friendship but then they don't deserve to be your friend if they can't accept you for who you are."

"Do your parents know?"

"No… but I think they have kind of figured it out and they have hinted that I should get a girl… and no matter how much it pains me to know that I am not me in their eyes… I can't runaway from who I am. This is my life not theirs… I am the one who has to live through the next god knows 70 years and I plan to live it so as to fulfill my happiness. I mean if I live it for them what happens when I am alone? Who am I to live for? My so-called wife? The fiancée that they chose for me? How in the world am I suppose to survive? In that sense by the time I am 30 I'd already be dead… my spirit would have died."

"How can you put aside your parents like that?"

"I haven't put them aside… I would still die for them… but I am not willing to die for them for a reason as stupid as the packaging of the one I love. Ask me anything else and I will gladly do it for them"

Sakuragi looked at Sendoh who spoke of his parent's with a pained outlook. //He must be so alone… to be shunned by your own parents… they who brought you into the world. I understand what he says about friends… I understand that but to be misunderstood by your parents… that must hurt//

"Sakuragi… don't misunderstand me… I don't hate being gay… I am happy now… and although I doubt that my parents will ever accept me for this and I am pained by that… but the truth is if you were to give me a chance to do it all over… I'd still be gay. It is who I am… no point running away from it."

"…"

"Now tell me the truth… Are you really bothered this deeply about gays just because you pity society's outlook of us?"

"What do you mean?"

"*sigh* I am being serious here… has it ever occurred to you that you may be gay or bi?"

"NANI?!"

"Seriously…"

"No! I love Haruko-chan… she is my angel *pictures Heruko smiling at him and behind her a pair of beautiful pristine white feathered wings spread themselves elegantly… giving her an over all mystically beautiful look* Haruko-chan" hearts in his eyes.

Sendoh sweatdrops

"You know you could be bisexual and Haruko-chan could be just an infatuation"

"Nani? Me? Bisexual? No… it can't be… I mean I love Haruko-chan"

"Do you really?"

Sakuragi frowned at the question… remembering the previous night when he finally realized that she may like him… he wasn't overjoyed… in fact he was… normal. Ignoring the memory, he answered stubbornly "Yes I do… I love her"

"Don't lie to yourself Sakuragi… it is the worst thing you could do."

Before he had the chance to answer Sendoh they were interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. So as he watched Sendoh walk away, he tried to sort through all his various emotions. //Is it true? Could I be gay or bi? I have no idea… but one thing is for sure… Haruko-chan acts differently to me now and as for my feelings I think… I think I don't love here anymore… I think I have fallen out of love with her//

"D'aho"

"Nani? Kitsune?" he replied automatically whilst looking at the person who addressed him. On realizing that Rukawa stood in front of him he took it as his cue to leave. "Oi Smiley! Thanks a whole lot… I feel a lot better" and with that he walked towards the open front door.

"Sure thing Sakuragi… oh and Sakuragi think about it… seriously"

"Uh… okay Smiley… Ja"

"What was all that about" inquired a voice monotonously.

"It seems that your team mate and dream lover over there is just as gay as you and me!"

end of part 12

Okay I know… talk about OOC ness… but I think this all based on human nature.
Aiyah!!
But the thing is that… I guess since it is part of his self discovery period… I should make him somewhat serious… you know you don't just decide at the snap of fingers what your sexuality is.
As for Sendoh… two of my reviewers got to me
Nakkie and Noor… what y'all said was absolutely true… thanks a whole lot for the advice… and as for Nakkie hopefully Sendoh isn't the Hentai here… Noor, it was a marvelous idea to get Sendoh's help or so I think.
It is true that Sendoh is always portrayed as the happy go lucky hentai but I am sure if one is to sit down and seriously talk to him about his choice of sexuality that he'd be serious… I think anyone would be serious when such a topic is broached.
Btw… Hana's feeling in this fic reflect my thoughts about the issue… in short his thoughts are based on the real thing and not some make up sappy idea… cause that is how I really feel about the topic.
If I were to meet a gay/bi I know I would accept them gladly… however till now I still believe that I am straight and if some one were to seriously ask me if I were homo I think my first reaction would also be repulsion… I am human after all and I believe that it is human nature to react like this to such an issue of controversy… however I also know that I won't runaway from the truth. Another thing I have already undergone me identity crisis so I am pretty sure that I am straight.
God knows why I am feeling so profound and philosophical tonite… think all the coca cola got to me. *sighs*
In short Pls R&R
As I feel extremely attached to this chap as it is part me…
I mean the outlook of this issue is all me…
I wud really like to know what y'all think
PLS R&R
Thanx!!